Alone Again, Naturally

The face that only Aling Coring can love

I wasn't surprised at all when I heard the news of PeNoy Aquino-Grace Lee break-up. What amused me is that the alleged break-up happened last April 13. Many superstitious Filipinos fear the dreaded Friday the 13th, but this is, I guess, the day that Korean-born Grace Lee found her enlightenment.

Grace Lee joins the growing list of women who dumped PeNoy. But nothing to worry because PeNoy is no stranger to being alone. Aba, wag siyang mag-ilusyon sa hitsura niya yan.

At sino ba naman ang maaaring magtiyaga sa isang tulad ni PeNoy na happy-go-lucky? It seems na ang taong ito ay di marunong mag-seryoso. Siyam na taon na kongregista, pero walang ginawa. Tatlong taon sa Senado pero wala ding nagawa. At ngayon, ano na ba ang nagawa niya mula nang maupo siya sa Malacanang?

We will never know the reason for the break-up. Kung dati, ang bilis ng mga Palace boys na i-mention ang pangalan ni Grace, ngayon naman, they are mum. Which is okay naman, kasi I myself is not interested in the details. Baka masuka lang ako. hihihi

Ang alam ko lang, laking pasalamat naman at mapapahinga tayo sa nakakasukang May-December romance na yan. Aba, PeNoy shamelessly tried to use his love affair para libangin ang mga mas lalong naghihirap na Filipino.

At para gumanti sa panggagago ni PeNoy, below are some pick-up lines jokes:

PeNoy: Ketchup ka ba?
Grace: Bakit?
PeNoy: Pwede bang isawsaw sa iyo ang hotdog ko?
Grace: Hotdog ka dyan? Vienna sausage lang yan! Ambisyosa ka!
PeNoy: Sobra ka naman magsalita
Grace: Totoo naman ah. Yung sa bayaw mo, yun ang jumbo hotdog! hihihi

PeNoy: Poste ka ba?
Grace: Hindi. Bakit?
PeNoy: Kasi parang gusto kitang sibakin. hehehe
Grace: Aba, ang ungas na ito . . . Eh yung youngest sister mo buko ba siya?
PeNoy: Ha? Bakit?
Grace: Kasi parang ang hilig niya magpa-biyak! hihihi

PeNoy: Hindi ka ba napapagod?
Grace: Hindi. Bakit naman?
PeNoy: Kasi kanina ka pa tumatakbo sa isipan ko.
Grace: Hay naku, kahit ilang milya pa, tatakbuhin ko walang lang ako matalsikan ng laway mo!

PeNoy: Crayon ka ba?
Grace: Hindi noh! Bakit?
PeNoy: Kasi you color my world.
Grace: Ungas! Eh yellow lang naman ang alam mong color!

PeNoy: Kung POSPORO ako at POSPORO ka din, eh di MATCH tayo!
Grace: TANGA!! Dapat MATCHES, kasi plural! BOBO ka talaga kahit kelan!

PeNoy: Password ka ba?
Grace: Huh? Kalokah yang tanong mo ha. Bakit?
PeNoy: Kasi di kita pwede kalimutan eh.
Grace: Ganun??!! Pwede nagpalit ka na ng password? Wag na ako, please? hihihi

PeNoy: Uy pa-picture naman tayong dalawa.
Grace: Bakit?
PeNoy: Para naman ma-develoop tayo.
Grace: Ayan ka na naman sa KABOBOHAN mo! Walang NEGATIVE ang DIGITAL CAMERA!

PeNoy: May lason ba yang mata mo?
Grace: Wala ah. Bakit?
PeNoy: Parang nakakamatay ang titg mo.
Grace: Ay wag kang mag-alala, masamang damo ka!

PeNoy: Doktor ka ba?
Grace: Artista ako noh! Bakit?
PeNoy: Kasi ikaw lang nakakagamot ng sugat ng puso ko.
Grace: Yang utak mo ang may diperensya. Humanap ka ng psychiatrist!

At ito ang siguradong resulta pag sumali si PeNoy sa Pinoy Henyo:

PeNoy: Tao ba ito?
Grace: Hindi
PeNoy: Lugar?
Grace: Hindi
PeNoy: Bagay?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Nakikita sa bahay?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Sa kusina?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Ginagamit sa kusina, ganun?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Gawa ba ito sa metal?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Nakakasugat ba ito?
Grace: Oo! Oo!!
PeNoy: Ginagamit ba ito na panghiwa?
Grace: Oo! Oo!! Oo!!!
PeNoy: Pinanghihiwa ng mga karne?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Pwede ding panghiwa ng mga gulay, ganun?
Grace: Oo!
PeNoy: Aaaaahhh . . . Pass! Pass!

My April's Fools Day List

Planking, out!  Noynoying, in!

Filipinos have this unexplainable penchant for making lists. There's wish list during the traditional monito-monita. There's the so called New Year's resolution list which is, more often, a useless and futile exercise.

For whatever their worth, making a list will forever be "In" in Filipino culture.

Not to be outdone, I made my own April's Fools Day list. Here is what I've come up with:

1. PeNoy proves to be the most hardworking Filipino president. Moreover, he's te hands-on type; one you can rely to be where the action is. Remember the Luneta hostage-taking? The numeruos tropical storms? And most recently, the social unrest brought about by skyrocketing prices of fuel.
2. Philippine economy has taken off! All one needs to do is glean on the figures - employment rate, growth rate, business confidence. Remember, numbers don't lie.
3. Due to the transparency and positive investment outlook, foreign companies are lining up to place money and set up business in the Philippines. If you want the facts, go straight to the library of the Department of Trade and Industry. Apparently, the said library has a Fiction Section.
4. PeNoy's crisis management council is composed of able and professional practitioners. It is not true that PeNoy employs sister Krissy and his not so appealing girlfriend, Grace Lee, to take care of crises.
5. Food shortage, especially rice, is a thing of the past under PeNoy's administration. From now on, there will be bumper harvests that will enable the country to export to China, the world's largest consumer of rice.
6. PeNoy will lead the Cojuangco clan in distributing Hacienda Luisita to the suffering and hunger-stricken tenant-farmers. As a token of goodwill and generosity, the farmers will also be paid Ps. 1 milliion per hectare.
7. And finally, Krissy will enter the nunnery. She has chosen to join the order of the Pink Sisters.